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Impamvu zituma umuntu yumva ubushake bwo gutera akabariro bwiyongereye kurushaho

Yanditswe na Dufitumukiza Salathiel
Kuya 20 Gashyantare 2021 saa 05:46
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Imibonano mpuzabitsina ni kimwe mu bintu biza ku isonga ibinyabuzima bikenera, by’umwihariko inyamaswa. Usibye kuba ari yo nzira yo kororoka ibirinda gushiraho burundu, ni isoko y’ibyishimo n’umunezero utabasha gutangwa n’ikindi kintu icyo ari cyo cyose mu buzima bwabyo.

Umuntu ni inyamaswa yihariye ifite ububasha bwo gutegeka Isi, ibimuha amahirwe yo kugenzura no kunonosora ikimubaho cyose ndetse akaba yamenya impamvu kiba, uburyo kibamo n’ingaruka cyamugiraho. Birumvikana ko nk’igikorwa kimugeza ku kuryoherwa n’ubuzima, ntasiba gusesengura ibijyanye n’imibonano mpuzabitsina.

Muri rusange kugira ubushake bwo gutera akabariro ni ikintu cyishimirwa ku rwego rwo hejuru, bikanaba ikimenyetso gikomeye ko uri muzima bihagije.

Icyakora iyo ubushake bwabyo bubaye bwinshi cyane birabangama, ndetse bigahindurirwa inyito ntibyitwe ubushake ahubwo bikitwa irari. Ubusanzwe irari si ryiza kuko ritera nyiraryo kwifuza ibyo atagenewe no kutanyurwa n’ibyo yemerewe ndetse bikaba byamugaragaza nabi mu bandi bikamwambuza icyubahiro.

Kurarikira imibonano mpuzabitsina, kuri bamwe bishobora kubashimisha ariko hariho n’abo bibangamira kuko byagutesha n’amahirwe amwe n’amwe arimo no kukwirukanisha ku kazi, bishobora gutuma uhatiriza undi muntu kujya muri icyo gikorwa atabishaka, cyangwa bikagukoresha ibyaha birimo no gusambanya abana.

Abashakashatsi batandukanye berekana ko kwiyongera k’ubushake bwo gutera akabariro [bitari irari] kurusha uko umuntu yari asanzwe yiyumva, “si uburwayi kandi si n’igikuba.”

Umuhanga mu by’Imibonano Mpuzabitsina ukora mu iduka ry’ibicuruzwa bigenewe abifuza kongera ibirungo mu bijyanye n’icyo gikorwa riri i Calfornia, Dr Jill McDevitt, kuri iyo ngingo yagize ati “Ni ibisanzwe rwose kuba ubushake bwo gutera akabariro bwakwiyongera kurusha uko bisanzwe, ndetse bikaba byanamara iminsi, ibyumweru, amezi cyangwa imyaka.”

Dr Jess O’Reilly ufite Impamyabumenyi y’Ikirenga (PhD) mu by’Imibonano mpuzabitsina unamenyerewe mu biganiro bitandukanye bigaruka ku ngingo nk’izo, we yavuze ko “Kwifuza gutera akabariro kurusha uko usanzwe wiyumva ntibyahita bihabwa inyito y’uko ufite ikibazo.” Bikugira umuntu.

Kuvuga ko ubushake bwo kujya muri icyo gikorwa bwiyongereye, ntibisobanuye ko hari igipimo runaka cy’ubushake busanzwe abantu bagakwiye kuba bafite. Ahubwo umuntu ku giti cye ni we wiyumva uko mu bihe runaka ameze agereranyije n’uko yajyaga yiyumva mu bihe bitandukanye.

Hagaragazwa ko imyaka umuntu agezemo, uko yitwara ku bandi n’abo bakunze kuba bari kumwe, igihe afata cyo gusinzira, imirire ye n’uko akora imyitozo ngororamubiri bigira uruhare mu kuba yarushaho gushaka gutera akabariro.

Byumvikane neza ko umuntu ukora imyitozo ngororamubiri kenshi cyangwa ufite umubyibuho udakabije azagira ubushake bwo kujya mu gikorwa kurusha wa wundi utayikora.

Abari mu kigero cy’ubwangavu n’ubugimbi na bo bagira ubushake kurusha abarenze icyo kigero, naho abageze mu myaka ya 60 bakagenda barushaho kumva batabishaka.

Hari kandi uburyo umuntu apangamo gahunda ze, ibihe arimo n’ubuzima bwo mu mutwe, uko imisemburo y’umubiri iri gukora, ubuvuzi cyangwa imiti yafataga akaba yayiretse, ndetse n’uko ateye bigaragarira inyuma.

Nta bimenyetso bigaragarira amaso byerekana ko ubushake bwiyongereye, ahubwo kugira ngo ubimenye ushobora kugereranya ubushake ufite n’ubwo wari ufite igihe nk’icyo mu mwaka ushize, uko uri kubirarikira n’uko wari usanzwe ubitekereza, ndetse ukagenzura hagati yawe n’uwo mujyana mu gikorwa ubishaka cyane.

Ibyo nubigenzura ni byo byonyine bizagufasha kumenya niba urugero rw’ubushake bwawe bwo gutera akabariro rwazamutse.

-  Ibishobora kukongerera ubushake bwo gutera akabariro

Nubwo atari ihame ko ari byo byatuma abantu bose bagira ubushake bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina kurusha uko basanzwe biyumva, hari ibyo abashakashatsi bahurizaho bikunze kuba impamvu kuri benshi.

McDevitt avuga ko icya mbere ari ukuba nta ntekerezo nyinshi umuntu afite mu mutwe we, mbese nta bimuhangayikishije.

Ati “Iyo uri mu bihe bitagusaba gutekereza bihambaye, ubushake bwo gutera akabariro buziyongera."

Iyo ngo ni yo mpamvu abantu bagira akazi kenshi baryoherwa cyane n’icyo gikorwa ari uko bari mu karuhuko (Vacation sex).

Umujyanama mu bijyanye n’uburyo buboneye bwo kwinjira muri icyo gikorwa, Eric M. Garrison, avuga ko ubuzima bwo mu mutwe na bwo bugira uruhare mu kuba ubushake bwakwiyongera cyangwa bukagabanuka.

Yagize ati “Kuba uwo mubana ataguha ubwisanzure byatuma utagira ubushake cyane bwo gukorana nawe icyo gikorwa.”

Bisobanuye ko mu gihe uwo mubana cyangwa mugiye kwinjirana mu gikorwa akugusha neza bizatuma wumva ubishaka cyane.

Ku rundi ruhande ariko umuntu ashobora no kuba afite ibindi bibazo birimo agahinda gakabije n’ihungabana, bikagira ingaruka ku buzima bwe bwo mu mutwe bityo ntabe yagira ubushake.

Hatangwa inama ko mu gihe uwo mubana atagira ubushake bwo kwinjira muri icyo gikorwa, mwakwegera muganga wabihuguriwe mukabimuganiriza akabibafashamo.

Dr McDevitt agaragaza kandi ko imikorere y’imisemburo y’umubiri w’umuntu mu bihe bitandukanye yatuma ubushake bwo gutera akabariro bwiyongera; kuko ituma imyanya y’ibanga ikura neza bityo umubiri ukarushaho gukenera imibonano mpuzabitsina.

Imyitozo ngororamubiri ikorwa kenshi nayo Dr O’Reilly asobanura ko kuri bamwe iba impamvu yo kongera ubushake, biturutse ku kuba yongerera umuntu icyizere, ikagabanya umunaniro mu ntekerezo ndetse igatuma uwayikoze asinzira neza.

Ubushakashatsi bunerekana ko guhagarika ifatwa ry’imiti imwe n’imwe bigira uruhare mu kongera ubushake bwo gutera akabariro.

Nk’urugero mu 2015, Pubmed yagaragaje ko imiti ivura agahinda gakabije n’ihungabana igabanyiriza uyifata ubushake bwo kwinjira muri icyo gikorwa.

Imwe mu miti ivura indwara z’umutima n’ikoreshwa mu kuboneza urubyaro, na yo ubushakashatsi bugaragaza ko ishobora gutuma ubushake bugabanuka.

Mu gihe uwafataga imwe muri iyo miti yaba ayihagaritse rero, Garrison yemeza ko byatuma yiyumvamo icyo gikorwa kurushaho.

Hagaragazwa kandi ko ibihe umuntu arimo bishobora gutuma ubushake bwiyongera cyane cyane ku bagore. Ibyo bigaragarira ku kuba hari igihe bagaragaza umushiha batanakeneye ku bijyamo mu gihe runaka, ubundi ukabona babikeneye cyane.

Abashakashatsi basobanura ko biterwa n’imisemburo yabo, kandi ko ubushake bwabo bushobora kwiyongera mbere, nyuma cyangwa mu gihe cy’imihango.

Ikigero cy’imyaka umuntu agezemo na cyo gishobora gutuma ubushake bwiyongera cyangwa bukagabanuka. Uvuye mu bwana ageze mu bugimbi cyangwa ubwangavu agira impinduka zidasanzwe zirimo no kongera ubushake cyane, iyo amaze kurenga imyaka 20, uko agenda akura ni ko ubushake bugabanuka.

-  Ni ryari ukwiyongera k’ubushake bwo gutera akabariro biba ikibazo?

Nk’uko byagaragajwe haruguru, muri rusange kugira ubushake bwo gukora imibonano mpuzabitsina birishimirwa ndetse ni ikimenyetso cy’uko umuntu ari muzima.

Ku rundi ruhande ariko Garrison avuga ko “Kwiyongera k’ubushake bwo gutera akabariro bizaba ikibazo igihe wowe ubwawe uziyumvamo ko ari ikibazo, cyangwa igihe bigutera kugira imyitwarire ibangamira izindi ngeri z’ubuzima bwawe.”

Urugero nk’iyo bikubangamira mu kazi ukora, bituma uca inyuma uwo mwashakanye cyangwa uwo muri mu rukundo, bituma utakariza amafaranga mu kugura ibikoresho bigufasha kwikinisha, cyangwa bikagutera indi myitwarire iteye inkeke.

Igihe ingaruka nk’izo zikugezeho, ni byiza ko wegera muganga wabihuguriwe akaba yagufasha gusubira ku murongo.

Ushobora kandi guhindura umuvuno cyane cyane ku bakora imibonano mpuzabitsina mu buryo bwo kugabanya intekerezo nyinshi bafite, ukaba washaka ubundi buryo ukoresha bubigufashamo.

Ikindi gishobora kugufasha gusubira ku murongo mu gihe ubushake bwo gutera akabariro bwiyongereye cyane, ni ukudahatira uwo mugiye gukorana igikorwa, ahubwo ukabanza kubimuganiriza ndetse igihe akubwiye ko atabishaka ukitoza kwakira igisubizo uhawe.

Hari impamvu nyinshi zituma umuntu yumva ubushake bwo gutera akabariro bwiyongereye kurushaho

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